Monday, June 2
a lesson on human nature
Dear nescient,last friday morning, during syariah talk by ustaz hadi, i received an email ... a sad email dat successfully got me to tears....not dat i wanted to show my emotional side to everybody, but i just couldnt hold it....it was so saddening that i had to take half day dat day... i just could not concentrate on work in dat condition.... i even had to get zul to pick up my calls and tell my customer's dat i'm in a meeting...
when my tears were dropping fast, while everybody was listening to ustaz hadi dgn khusyuknyeh, zul, whom was standing a lil bit in front of my desk, noticed....... he slowly turned towards me, and dgn sgt gentleman dan lemah lembutnyerhh... "are u alrite, zura?"owh, bertambah laju air mataku... and dgn tersedu sedu aku balas "nah, dun worry, its just a kiddie thing... i'm just being over emotional.... " then he whispered, lembut giler, tak penah die ckp lembut mcm tuh, erkk..."lately i tgk sumer org asyik menangis jer, jaja, mimi and u.. i pun nak nangis jugak lah" senyum sweet... sejuk ati aku kejap, pastuh nengok nik kat sebelah muker dah lain macam, terus aku masam balik... kaver,kaver..hikiki... zul, zul.... if u were around everytime i cry kan best, i'm sure u can be a good shoulder to lean on.....such a nice fellow.....
okeh okeh, stop imagining bout zul...back to the email..... i would not elaborate on the contents of the email coz i think it is best to keep it a secret between us friends.....there have been a major misunderstanding lately between me and my darling bebehs....i can say that part of it is my mistake that i didnt tell them what's really going on with my life now... rather than telling them the truth, i instead opted to keep things to myself... not that i wanted to be secretive, but i was terrified that they could not understand the position i'm currently in, which i can say quite deeply in a dilemma, and under a lot of pressure...and things sort of happened so quickly and drastically, that i dont even have time to stop for a while and tell them what's really going on....The only time i had is to smile and act happy, as if nothing is going on within me.....
my mistake has caused them to react as humanly as possible, jumping to conclusions.....yes,it was quite disappointing when your friends started making the wrong conclusions bout you rather than asking you what's really going on, or whether or not you are in any problem or hardship...even more disappointing, when ur frens whom are living under the same roof with you started ignoring you, again, without even asking.... but who am i to blame them? we are all human being with emotions and feelings ... and we have the right to express it, and so they did.... as it was intensely heartbreaking as it sounds, i have to admit that under a certain circumstances, i might have reacted the same way they did.....
i'm pretty sure i haven't seen any signs of forgiveness, especially tonite when one of my darlings refuses to ask me for my toto for her visiting sister, where she always had done so before..she asked from another housemate instead, but unfortunately, that housemate didn't have any at that time... despite feeling a li'l bit disappointed, i gave her my toto anyway, for the sake of a helping hand, which has always been my principal in friendship.... above all this i'm still not sure whether they have taken my explanations reasonably and understandably.... but i really hope its leading to that path... so i hope.... if it is not so, than it is too bad for me that i have to move on with this burden on my shoulders.....
Posted by zuradaa at 11:02 PM
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2 Comments:
copyright:
bukan sekali jadik macam ni, dah berkali kali pun. semuanya terpulang kat diri memasing. tepuk dada, tanya iman. yang penting, kita semua dah besar. walau apa pun balasan email yang kami terima. walau apa pun penulisan yang kami baca yang menunjukkan macam kami yang jahat, hanya kami dan kau yang tahu. 3 tahun bersama, rasanya dah cukup mengenali antara satu sama lain. kami tak bodo yang pastinya.
kalau cakap pasal sayang, kami dah bosan dengan perkataan tu. sebab, kadang kadang, orang senang berkata tapi nak buktikan tu, hmm..
By 
, at
6:15 PM
i think i have the right to feel dissappointed too here.. like i said, we are all human beings....we all have feelings and emotions... u expect me to know ur dissappointment, and i thought u'd understand mine too... but somehow words can be misinterpreted easily...
i think i better stop rite here before i further mess things up ... i may have mentioned in my numerous emails, i apologize for everything,i leave all the judgement to u and i respect ur decisions...
